Comments on: ‘The thing is, these people think they know you…’

By: I am whoever I say I am | Geraldine Clark Hellery

I am whoever I say I am | Geraldine Clark Hellery — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 10:42:03 +0000

[...] people, notably a few men, have treated her in a less than admirable or appropriate manner (click here). Whilst I’ve never been spoken to as poorly as Ms Pinborough (well I have but that’s a [...]

By: Christopher Lawton

Christopher Lawton — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 13:43:16 +0000

You are very welcome. Btw, the P.S. on your post was completely unexpected and made me laugh very hard indeed.

By: sarah

sarah — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 13:41:22 +0000

Thank you! x

By: Christopher Lawton

Christopher Lawton — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 11:33:22 +0000

I’ll be honest, I hadn’t heard about you or your work before today. I was looking for new authors and information on horror and found an old Guardian article about sexism in the genre, and your name was mentioned. I linked here to find this article. How sad that this kind of crap is still happening.

I wanted to leave this message because your post is about the impression you give off as part of your public persona. I know that first impressions count for nearly everything. Your first impression on me is of someone with honesty, wit, intelligence and integrity. Because of this, I’m adding some of your books to the top of my reading list.

Cheers.

By: Christopher Teague

Christopher Teague — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 07:52:16 +0000

Fraser Hines called you a tart? At least you didn’t spend half your career with your arm stuck up a cow’s arse!

What a twat!

By: Joan De La Haye

Joan De La Haye — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 10:11:46 +0000

Well … I may not know you very well, but the little I do know of you is not someone I would ever think of as a bimbo. You’ve always struck me as smart, tough, and ambitious. And under all that bravado is a sensitive soul. Most of us get the joke. Those who don’t are a waste of time and space. You’re absolutely fabulous just the way you are sweetie!

By: David Brzeski

David Brzeski — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 01:27:32 +0000

I’d been away from the BFS for so long that, when I rejoined, you were totally new to me. I went to my first Fantasycon for must be 25 years & thought you were great fun. You even roped Jilly & I into your team for the quiz.
I don’t think your “persona” fooled me in the least. I certainly never took you for a tart, or a bimbo. You have as much right to be pretty as I have to be old & fat. LOL
I’ve been discovering your writing since Fantasycon & I look forward to seeing you again in Brighton next year.

By: paul veczko

paul veczko — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 11:20:40 +0000

You can be to serious you can’t be to kind. Clean living, respect and love the rest will fall into place.

-Paul

By: DaveO

DaveO — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 06:31:27 +0000

It’s probably way after the fact, but just wanted to say that how you describe yourself above is how you have always come across in your blog and not flippant or shallow in the least. in fact I feel slightly surprised to read that about you.

I’m fairly certain that few (likely none) of your readers would believe you to be anything other than intelligent and hardworking. To be fair, you are clearly very attractive, and that perhaps gives idiots space to prejudge you, but I don’t read your books or blogs for that reason!

p.s. It’s lovely to hear someone successful state a preference for kindness.

By: Matt (@yvesraven)

Matt (@yvesraven) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 11:58:36 +0000

Like MadNad says, we all have different personas, masks or guises that allow us to present ourselves in different ways to different people. I think this is inevitable (even with friends and family) and most can recognise it and accept it. For those engaging with the public, I expect that a persona is almost essential. Whether to protect the fragile inner self and/or to help promote work. I think people also expect this, to a degree. For example, at past signings with Neil Gaiman, he’s been a very nice man, drawn me a picture in my book and chatted – I’m sure this is representative of who he is, but there will be more he reveals at home (may be he swears like a trooper with AFP)!

This is no revelation, but the written word is a cruel mistress and not seeing/hearing someone speak their written comment can be quite a hinderance. I’ve made schoolboy errors in my learning curve, responding too quickly (i.e. without thinking) or retweeting instead of replying. I now try to slow down and make sure the message is better written to – it doesn’t always work, but hopefully I’m getting better. Sometimes it sounds fine in my head, but it just looks wrong written down.

Although the internet feels like it has been around for ages, it hasn’t. I think a lot of people are still trying to figure out the difference between online and offline behaviours – what’s acceptable and what isn’t (re: previous blogs on extreme views seeming to be the only views online). This often has to work itself out in practical ways i.e. by getting it wrong and learning from mistakes.

Twitter chatter encourages a level of friendly banter that belies the actual friendship that exists (or rather, doesn’t exist). Sarah, we’ve tweeted a few times and it’s been good-natured, but I’m sure when you think of who your friends are I’m not even brought to mind. This is expected and right – we’ve not even met in person. Like James says in his comment above, social media muddies the definition of friendship. Some haven’t quite recognised that or choose to ignore it, but hopefully the majority have their sensible heads on.

All this to say, don’t be put off by the odd person that can’t understand (or should know better) the difference between a public and a private persona or between an online and a real friendship. Have a little grace when people get it a wrong, but recognise when they can’t see they’re wrong and run!

Self-deprecating humour is a very British thing, but it can be taken too far, sometimes to our personal detriment. Having a quick review of the way we present ourselves is worthwhile every now and then, because a persona should still be a part of who we are (otherwise we’re just misrepresenting and deluding ourselves).

Cheeky banter seems to be part of who you are (and I’m sure we all have blonde moments), so I’m sure it’s not something you can turn off completely. But if the smack is getting too much, just dial it down a notch

Hugs (in an friendly virtual, not real-life wierdo, kinda way),
Matt

(PS sorry for the long comment – it’s an interesting subject)